10-3-19... Bearing It All....

I've posted this before, but some people recently were asking about my story, so I thought I'd post it again.....

We all have our things we struggle with mentally, emotionally, etc.  We all have insecurities. 

**Warning** Real talk: I'm about to get really personal here....

You may not know this but when I was a kid, I was picked on terribly.  I gained a ton of weight when I was in first grade, and became painfully aware of it that year.  I remember once we were trying to do forward rolls in PE and I was to fat to do it, so the kids started making fun of me.  Even my parent's friends would talk about me and my weight and would crush my feelings and lower my feelings about myself. 

I was beat up daily in middle school for several issues, but one of them being that I was a fat kid.  They called me jelly rolls and would always ask me if I was hungry, then beg me not to eat them.  It was hilarious (to them) not to me.  In 6th grade, I was so down on myself, I was pretty sure nobody would ever care about me, and I was a trigger pull away from ending it all.  I didn't, thank God, but I still live with those emotional scars.

With the yo yo dieting and the things I went through as a kid, my body has always had a hard time with easily gaining fat.  I have a bunch of food sensitivities too, so if I go off the rails slightly for two weeks, I can easily gain 15lbs of fat.  It's incredibly frustrating, more so given the fact that I am a health and fitness coach.

Fast forward to today, as a fitness coach you worry about being judged even more, and many times we are judged more harshly then a normal person.  People expect you to look a certain way since you are preaching health, and I get it, I have the same expectations.  So, my entire life, I have never ever been comfortable with my shirt off.  I know that I'm in decent shape, and I know my choices can effect me pretty greatly from one week to the next.  I hold myself to a standard, and I've never been happy with my body composition, so it's created a lot of insecurities in me. 

Hence, I have never ever taken my shirt off in front of clients.  Not because I actually feel like I'd be judged, but more out of embarrassment of where I'm at.  I'm not where I'd like to be so I'm really uncomfortable bearing it all in front of others.  That being said, yesterday was the first time I've ever taken my shirt off in front of clients.  I wouldn't call it a victory, since I was still highly uncomfortable, but I would call it a small win.

I'm 37 years old, and when I look in the mirror I still see that crying little boy, so unhappy with his physique that he almost ended his life. (not that I'm anywhere close to there now) So yesterday, I decided to swim in my own pool and enjoy myself with my friends.  What I'm trying to say is that there's no such thing as perfection. 

We ALL have things we struggle with.  Planet fitness advertises a "judgement free zone," but my goal is to actually create a place where we can always work towards perfection, by giving our perfect effort, and never judging people.

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10-3-19

Levels Testing

Workout:

"CFB Fight Gone Bad"

Wall Ball x 1 min

Hang Power Clean x 1 min

Box Jump x 1 min

Push Press x 1 min

Row x 1 min

Rest x 1 min

3 Rounds



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